There was a guy, Dean, that I liked a whole lot about two years ago. To make a hugely long and dramatic story short… Dean’s an outgoing guy. He’s like that around everyone. We kept in touch after camp, and he always signed “I love you” at the bottom of his emails. Because I liked him, it was becoming a stumbling block in my life. I got some advice, and then asked him if he wouldn’t say that because of problems in my own head.
He, I assume, figured out that I liked him (or assumed as much) and didn’t respond well to that at all. Either way, we didn’t part on good terms. That was two and a half years ago. Two years ago we met again at camp, and it was really awkward for the first half of the week and vaguely awkward for the rest of it.
Last year he didn’t go to camp. This year I didn’t. Now we’re “friends” on MySpace, and he wants to start a conversation. Why is it that, even after all this time, I’m still getting nervous being around him? It’s like, I don’t want to talk to him because I’m afraid he’ll inadvertently hurt me again, but I don’t want to ignore him because that’s so dumb.
Jack’s clueless, too. He set off at one point to think of the perfect guy for me, and the first person he came up with was Dean. He’s got no idea. Rach and Eliza know, but they’re as tired of it as I am. So, again, I’m back to my “nobody reads this” journal.
