Illusioned?

Perhaps not so disillusioned anymore. Jack signed on earlier to tell me that he had gotten a new computer and hadn’t installed messenger on it. Rachel sent me an invitation to her graduation party, and a friend of my mom’s told me that Eliza’s break wasn’t even that serious.

I swear, sometimes I just think the world is out to get me. I think I’m doing a little better now.

For Some Awful Reason

I find myself waiting anxiously for Jack to sign on. I just want to talk about… who knows?

Craziness, Loneliness, and Awkwardness

It’s strange. There’s two different ways to say everything. Like there’s a difference between “crazy” and “crazy”… it just depends on how you say it, the face you’re making, and whether or not you throw your arms up in exasperation. This is also true, I’ve found, for “falling out of touch.”

There’s “falling out of touch,” and then there’s… “falling out of touch.” One is purely accidental. The other? A slow shift from liking someone to… not caring about them.

Rachel, who’s been probably my best friend for the past… oh, three-ish years? She graduated recently and never told me. Someone told me she had this graduation party… and invited everyone but me. Yeah, we’ve fallen out of touch, but that’s because we’ve been busy… me with my job, her with school. She sent out a mass email to everyone in her address book with some graduation pictures, so I did get that… but in the process, I found out that her sister, Eliza, had broken her pelvis recently. Rach had to explain the crutches, I guess. But seriously, Eliza and I lived together for three months, and she’s also a really good friend. And… most people don’t break their pelvis of all things. Eliza did. I never even heard about it.

I know, I shouldn’t be complaining about such trivial things. But now, I’m trying to remember the last time Rach and I talked. Really talked. I can’t remember.

And while we’re on the topic of friend troubles, let me list my failures. Rachel and Eliza aren’t really talking to me anymore. Mandy’s just gotten married and is still off in honeymoon land. No telling when she’ll return. Lynn has been a teacher for two years now and doesn’t have the time of day for me anymore. Everybody from high school has fallen off the face of the planet. And to top it off, my best friend Jack, who just told me that I can tell him absolutely anything, has also fallen out of existence. Okay, not really, but he hasn’t been online in a while, and I can’t work up the nerve to call him. Not because I… don’t want to talk to him, or because I’m nervous (per se), it would just lead to a stupid conversation.

Jack: Hello?
Auburn: Hey, Jack, it’s Auburn.
Jack: Oh, hey. What’s up?
Auburn: Well, actually I was calling to see if you were still alive and talking to me.
Jack: … Uh, obviously, I am.
Auburn: …
Jack: …
Auburn: Okay, that’s really all I wanted.
Jack: …

Life can be so stupid sometimes.

Greetings

Hi. My name is Auburn. Strange name, I know. I’m twenty, and I think that’s really all of the personal information I’m going to share for now. The thing is, this is weird for me… writing for the sake of writing, and not for the readers.

I’ll be honest. This isn’t me. Me is elsewhere… somebody else. I feel like I need to remove myself from my own problems and… this may be the solution. If you don’t get what I’m trying to say, it’s okay. Just sit back and… well, actually, find something better to do.